Earlier this week I was browsing through my visitor statistics and discovered a new feature. I’ve always known that a lot of people find my page by searching for naked photos of female Marines, usually by typing “naked female marines” into their search engine. But next to the most recent porn-hunting visitor entry, I saw this notice:
“Your page ranked #1 on Google for this query”
Thanks, Internet, for this dubious honor.
In 2007, I made a special blog landing page for these special visitors, Naked Female Marines, and it worked well. My favorite comment on the post is this one:
jville: “Fucking bait and switch! Where is the T&A?”
I think it’s time to create a new bait page but this time with photos, so jville and the visitors in Oceanside who google “naked female marines” three times a row and end up on my page every time at least have something to look at when they arrive.
The most important thing about a bait page is that you have to say keywords like “boobs” a lot. Even better, naked boobs. But I realized that I’ve mentioned boobs a lot on my blog and neglected to mention butts, so I’ll fix that today and perhaps attract a new class of bored lance corporals.
So here they are: three naked female Marine asses!
Aren’t they adorable? I even included some chevrons so you can see which ass is in charge. These three were souvenirs from the last trip I made to Egypt, and I got them in a store that was also selling little animals carved from ivory. The store owner showed us how to tell real ivory from other white materials, thereby sparing us a painful trip through U.S. Customs on the way home.
Next is an ancient artifact unearthed from the back of my underwear and panty drawer: it’s the bra they gave me in boot camp to wear underneath the dress uniforms. (I don’t know why we couldn’t just wear our sports bras)
I have not worn it since boot camp but just before taking this photo, I tried it on and it still fits. Yay?
This is not the photo I wanted to post, though. I tore through my entire house the other day because I also used to have a pair of the giant, white granny panties and a pair of the bulky, knee-high white athletic socks, both from my original boot camp clothing issue. I can’t believe I would have thrown them out since I hang on to sentimental crap forever, but I couldn’t find them anywhere. I was going to lay out the bra, panties, and socks like they were a stylish Marine Corps lingerie outfit.
Leave it to my pussy cat to remind me of another word to include. When I turned to download the photos to my computer, she jumped up and sat on the bra, and then dashed off at the exact moment I took the photo. I guess she didn’t want her face on a page full of allusions to human military ladybits nakedness.
— 24 hours later —
I seriously considered removing the word “pussy” from the previous paragraph because I felt it might be a bit more vulgar than necessary, and because I figured everybody would know what word I meant. But at work today, an older lady came in the store and loudly asked,
“ARE CHRYSANTHEMUMS POISONOUS FOR MY PUSSY CAT?”
And at that moment I decided to leave pussy cat right where it is.