I got another marriage proposal recently. Not an official kneeling-with-a-ring version but one of those “You look nice, let’s get married!”

What??

It was from a guy who has known the Marines here for awhile, passed on from group to group as Marines come and go. It’s a little odd I suppose but that’s just how it happens since someone’s always coming and somebody’s always going and the locals are always friends with at least one of us.

The first time I met him I had come home and he was sitting at a computer in our house all alone in the dark. I was like…um…who are you?? Invader!

At first he was fun to hang out with but then he and his girlfriend broke up (again, apparently) and I guess he was lonely and needed a warm body with boobs and I was an available target. From what I hear he tried to date the last female Marine but she only wanted to have sex with him and he wanted a relationship. I thought that was terribly funny.

At first I thought “Hmm, maybe” but then I remembered what happens when you date somebody who has just broken up with a girlfriend again, a girlfriend with whom he has been split from multiple times in just a few months.

They always make up and then you are out in the cold.

So I told him that and he, of course, said “NO! We’ll never get back together!”

Right.

I left the door open because you never know, maybe they won’t. But then things got weird.

Somehow, on its journey from my mouth to his brain the “maybe later” statement morphed into “SHE LOVES ME BUT WON’T ADMIT IT!”

This became clear after the conversation as we were watching a movie at the house and he kept reaching over and rubbing my arm. I’d say “Stop touching my arm!” and five minutes later, he’d do it again. Over and over. Then he kept trying to kiss me all over my head and when I said “Stop it!” he said something like, “But when you are good friends with somebody that’s normal!”

Uh huh.

Asking me if I want to marry you after I get out of the Marine Corps, asking if I like kids, and sending me text messages asking if I miss you are not appropriate responses to, “We’ll see what happens later.” All he knows about me is my name and where I live and work and that I’m a “nice girl”!

Not too long ago it was my birthday and I went out with a couple Marines to a wine bar with a Middle Eastern theme. I don’t like wine so I didn’t drink any but I ate up a whole plate of some hamburgerish pastry things. The previously-mentioned guy came after awhile and he was in a good mood as usual…until one of the other Marines swiped my cell phone.

I didn’t know he took it until the guy realized it wasn’t me who sent him “I love u” via text message. He was annoyed but seemed to forgive the Marine. Two other friends of mine arrived and he and I left with them. In the car he started talking about it again and got mad at ME, yelling about how he was going to delete my number from his phone and never call me again.

GOOD! You do that!

We dropped him off at his car and that was the last I’ve heard of him so far…